I'll never forget the first time thoughts of suicide first entered my mind. By then I had been having anxiety attacks for years. I have a general anxiety disorder that led to depression. Once I got depressed, my thoughts began to spin out of control. I started convincing myself that life was hopeless, and I'd never be able to cope like a "normal" person. Then I began to lose sight of what normal actually meant.
I really didn't care about anything by that time, and suicide looked like a way out of the mess. Fortunately, I made a comment that made my husband very suspicious and concerned. He called my doctor and told him he was worried I was considering suicide. That one phone call resulted in me taking an antidepressant medication called a benzodiazepine. I was also monitored closely by family and friends for several weeks until the medication began to work.
I look back on the time now and still find it scary. If you have any suicidal thoughts at all you should talk to your doctor. There are plenty of options for treatment that can help.